malkiewicz's Blurbs

About Me:

Bag of shit comedian (open-micer) in Atlantic City/ Philly

Instagram: mikemalkiewicz

Twitter: @mikemalkiewicz

Opie and Anthony listener

malkiewicz's Posts

Jul 24 2014 2:13 am

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She is literally pleading with me not to do the Mexican grandma voice. She is pleading me.

Jul 24 2014 2:03 am

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I was just told “Mike shut-up, you’re gross, I hate you” which is something I should be told every hour on the hour. 

Jul 24 2014 12:40 am

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So you’re telling me I can’t share my heroin needles? What a party pooper

Jul 24 2014 12:37 am

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please don’t hate nazis you’re perpetuating nazi culture. please use trigger warnings 

Jul 24 2014 12:21 am

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If I shoot you, can you sue me?

Jul 24 2014 12:19 am

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Look I don’t know where you want me to put this potato salad.

Jul 24 2014 12:12 am

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Jul 24 2014 12:07 am

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Would you like to buy my teeth?

Jul 24 2014 12:06 am

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How much can I get for my left kidney? I’m kinda over it 

Jul 24 2014 12:00 am

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I’ll give you this prop gun and you can pretend to shoot me in the mouth! It’s as heavy as a real gun so bash my head away!

Jul 23 2014 11:50 pm

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Jul 23 2014 11:28 pm

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Jul 23 2014 10:54 pm

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Taco Bell and McDonalds are disgusting and awful for you and I just want them in my mouth right now.

Jul 23 2014 8:02 pm

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This is what the boring couple has on their couch.

Jul 23 2014 4:26 pm

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